Scorpio Szn Check-In

Where I've Been & Where I'm Going

I'm writing to all of you heart full but physically tired from the traveling bonanza that has been my summer thus far. We're still in 70s-80s weather part of our autumnal season in my San José, California, so I'm relishing the time I have left in my long dresses (until I change to a season of long dresses...with a jacket and Docs).

I'm bummed I wasn't able to attend the flash class, but I've had a full plate since we separated back in July. 

In August, I returned to New York City to visit my sister and fell further in love with her new city. I feel so welcome when I'm there. I love the people and the thrum the city itself exudes. This time around, my brother and I did all of the tourist-y things: visited the Statue of Liberty, found our paternal last name listed on Ellis Island (this brought on a few tears for us as our paternal Lolo passed on 2 years ago), ooh-ed at the lights from the Top of the Roc, pretended we were King Kong atop the Empire State Building, heard Alicia Keys' iconic song on repeat in Times Square, explored the Natural History Museum and the Guggenheim, and cooed at our sister's cat, Ari. Though my sister is a dog mom (of 4 mom-sick dogs in San José), she has since become a cat mom, too (while I'm a frazzled dog aunt to these 4 dogs with my 1 precious cat daughter, Mariah).

And this month, I went down to Los Angeles to spend a week in Disneyland (and to visit my best friend who lives there!) Los Angeles is very much San José's big brother. Because of these similarities, I feel so at home whenever I'm in LA. We ate incredible Korean BBQ and all of the overpriced food our favorite Mouse had to offer. Though I was born in SJ (and my dad immigrated to SJ), I grew up a Lakers fan (there needs to be a study done to prove my hypothesis that every Filipino who immigrated in the 80s is a Lakers fan because exhibit A is my dad) so there's always that ease of being able to wear Lakers gear without hearing a boo in jest. 

Y'all should hear the Warriors vs Lakers quarrels in my house between my parents. For whatever reason, Nay, who also immigrated in the 80s but immigrated to Playa del Rey, is NOT a Lakers fan but a Warriors fan? There's a word in Cebuano (it's the same in Tagalog, too) "baliktad" So I tease them saying their alliances are baliktad, or backwards/mixed up. 

Anyways, in a couple of days, I'm catching another plane to Chicago! It'll be my first time in the Midwest, so I greatly appreciate any recommendations on where to eat (and what to wear?) 

Before that, my mother's birthday is tomorrow (she and I are parallel so I am 29 and she is turning 49) and I feel a loneliness that comes with the realization of many things: why she wasn't able to be present in the ways that I needed her, the ways she probably mourns her youth, and the weight of familial strife (she is estranged from the sister to whom she donated a kidney). 

Because of this, I'm selfishly glad for the escape to Chicago after her birthday. I'm still navigating how to be present for her but maintain my own boundaries. 

I think I've mentioned this in our first Zoom gathering, but my Critical Response Paper packets, or CRP writing was a SLOG, such an ordeal for me. But I guess in the background, as I schedule my check-ups (vision, dental, general, etc.) I'm meeting with my PCP to talk about getting medicated for my ADHD. I'm nervous but excited to learn more about what this means for me and my brain. Hopefully for my next set of CRPs it WON'T be a slog with medication. 

But back to writing -- I crammed as much "fun" reading as I could for my packets. I'm not sure if other folks did this too, but I also added as many books I already had in my possession as possible (I can't tempt myself with book buying because that means I'll be buying more than what I need)!

I'm lucky in that I'm able to read and write while I'm out and about at work. I recently helped one of my participants get a job at the Los Altos History Museum and the Palo Alto Art Center (I will admit to only you folks that I completed all of my CRPs while on the clock at PAAC) I used to teach elementary school before I started working at my non-profit, so helping at PAAC is the closest I get to teaching again. Right now, the preschoolers are sculpting pumpkins out of clay. I have to hold back tears when any of them calls me Miss Keana.

I hope one day I can return to teaching. Everyday I miss my big kids, my now 6th graders. I visited them recently (as I'm great friends with the Vice Principal and she invites me over for lunch) and my heart lurched at their growth, not only physically, but even in the shift that came from them formerly calling me Miss Kay to now Ms. Labra. And my heart clenching again when they asked when I'll be coming back. 

But, I can go on forever. I think I'll conclude with a recommendation from my Lola. My Lola lives half time in Vegas and half time here, which is to say my time of watching "artsy" movies is over for the rest of the year. She has a mosaic of movie boyfriends to choose from, but her favorites are Van Damme, Statham, Willis, and Stallone. And with that, I'm assigning our movie from last night to you all: Rambo's Last Blood.

I love you all.

May you always get your vengeance. 

Warmly,

Keana

P.S. I was thinking about what motto I wanted to share...I'm currently writing a 2nd Western script, so my motto to you all is: "write your vengeance".